The Struggle Is Real

I think God understands that we mostly have good intentions. We know we need to pray more (like, literally without ceasing) and we’re often so good at making plans to pray more. 

We set big goals. Adoration 3x a week, praying for 30 minutes in the morning, reading scripture before breakfast, prayer journaling before bed every night. 

And sometimes, for three incredible days, we keep up with it. And then… life happens. The kids suddenly start waking up at 3 am for deep philosophical conversations and you’re exhausted. All of the lights on the dashboard come on and your entire day is shot at the mechanic’s. A surprise project at work. The dog runs away and you (+ three of your neighbors who you now owe big time) launch the equivalent of a combat rescue mission to find him at 11 pm. 

Before you know it, prayer is back in the “when I have time” category. And that feels terrible. And IS terrible for our spiritual lives. 

But here’s the thing. Your prayer routine likely isn’t working not because you’re terrible. Most of us try building routines that are too big and too heavy to carry from the start. So, let’s talk about how to create a prayer rhythm that fits your real life — and lasts.

No. 1: Start Smaller Than You Think

Ready for this? Zechariah 4:10 says, “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.” Read it again, friend! Our Father, who loves us so much, is thrilled with our beginnings and is joyful when we begin (if it’s again and again!). 

We often fail because we aim for an hour when we haven’t yet built the habit of five minutes. So, we really have to start with the MVP: minimum viable prayer. That means picking the shortest, simplest version you can always do. 

Here are some simple ideas:

• A “Good morning, Lord” before your feet hit the floor.

• One Psalm read before coffee.
• “Lord Jesus Christ, son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner.” (Good for anytime/all the time.) 
• One line from the Gospel of the day, repeated slowly.
• A simple “Lord, I trust You” when anxiety starts creeping in.
• Glancing at a crucifix and saying, “Thank You.”
• Whisper a quick “Come, Holy Spirit” while you stir your coffee.
• Pray the Hail Mary while walking from your bedroom to the kitchen.
• Thank God for one specific thing while buckling your seatbelt.

A five-second prayer that’s genuine beats an hour-long routine you can’t keep. Small steps build trust — with yourself, and with God.

No. 2: Link Prayer to Something You Already Do

Instead of trying to find extra time or carving up habits you’ve already well established, use the time you already have. This is called habit stacking. Take something you already do every day—brushing your teeth, making coffee, loading the dishwasher, driving to/from work—and add prayer to it. So, for example, take one of the prayers from above (something short and sweet and doable!) and stack it on the habit you already do. 

A few tips to keep in mind:

• Pick a rock-solid habit, not a sometimes habit—This only works if your “anchor” habit happens every single day (or close to it). Brushing your teeth? Perfect. Going for a jog? Not so much if it only happens twice a week.
• Pair similar “energies”—Stack calm prayers (like a gratitude list) with slow, steady tasks (brewing tea, folding laundry). Stack energizing prayers (like the Gloria) with active tasks (walking to the bus stop, making breakfast).
• Don’t underestimate micro-prayers—You can pray while turning a doorknob, pouring a glass of water, or even buckling your seatbelt. It doesn’t have to be a big block of time to be meaningful.
• Name your stack—Give your prayer habit a little “title” so it feels official and harder to skip — like “The Coffee Psalm,” “Dishwasher Divine Mercy,” or “Garage Door Gratitude.”
• Expect spillover—Once your brain learns to link that prayer with that action, you may find it bubbling up during other moments, too — which means your prayer life just expanded without extra effort.

When prayer is woven into what you already do, you stop relying on willpower.

No. 3: Choose a Consistent Cue

Your brain loves — and honestly needs — signals that say, “It’s prayer time.” Habits don’t actually run on willpower, they run on cue, routine, and reward loops. A cue is something your brain recognizes as the start of a pattern, which triggers the habit automatically over time. Without a consistent cue, prayer stays in the “I’ll do it when I think of it” category — and let’s be honest, life rarely leaves much room for that.

Your cue could be:

• A time of day (the minute the kids go down for nap, or as soon as your morning coffee is ready).
• A place (a favorite chair, the kitchen sink, your car in the school pickup line).
• An action (lighting a candle, opening your Bible, pressing play on a worship playlist).

The beauty of cues is that once they’re linked to prayer, your brain will start nudging you without you even thinking about it. You’ll light that candle and instantly feel, “Ah, this is where I meet Him.”

No. 4: Build Variety Into Your Routine

Routine doesn’t mean you have to pray in exactly the same way forever. In fact, keeping the same anchor time but rotating how you pray can keep your heart engaged and your mind from drifting into autopilot.

Think of it like having a set mealtime each day — breakfast is always at 7:30, but you don’t eat the same exact thing every morning. The when stays consistent, but the what shifts to keep it fresh and nourishing.

Here’s how that might look in prayer:

• Monday – Lectio Divina (Slowly read and reflect on a short Scripture passage, letting God speak through His Word.)
• Tuesday – Journaling (Write out prayers, Scripture reflections, or even your worries as a way of talking to God.)
• Wednesday – Silent Prayer (Simply sit in God’s presence, breathing deeply, and listening.)
• Thursday – Intercessory Prayer (Pray specifically for people, situations, and needs on your heart.)
• Friday – Gratitude Prayer (List things you’re thankful for and give God praise for them.)
  

This approach keeps your prayer life alive and responsive to your season of life, but because your anchor time stays the same, you still get the consistency that helps prayer become a natural part of your day.

And here’s the best part: variety gives you different ways to meet God—sometimes through deep study, sometimes through stillness, sometimes through overflowing gratitude—which means you’re more likely to stick with prayer for the long haul.

No. 5: Remove the Guilt Cycle

This is one of the biggest prayer routine killers. You miss a day (or two), and the voice in your head says, Well, I blew it. I’ll never be consistent. Why even bother starting again? Sound familiar?

Here’s a mindset shift to help with the guilt cycle. If you miss a day, don’t think of it as a failure. Instead, take a more neutral approach and view it simply as information about what happened and why. Maybe you were sick. Maybe your kids woke up early. Maybe you tried to pray at a time that just doesn’t work for you. That’s all it means.

God’s desire is always for you to come back, whether it’s been a day, a week, or years. Think about the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11–32). The father didn’t demand his son explain where he’d been or why he left before welcoming him back. He ran to meet him. That’s the same heart God has toward you in prayer.

So the next time you miss a day, don’t throw away the whole routine. Ask yourself, What got in the way? What could I try differently tomorrow? Then, come back — even if it’s just for one small prayer. That’s how real, lasting habits are built: not by perfection, but by return after return.

No. 6: Invite Accountability

Prayer can be deeply personal — but it was never meant to be entirely private. From the very beginning, God’s people prayed together. Jesus prayed with His disciples. The early Church “devoted themselves… to the prayers” together (Acts 2:42). Prayer grows best in community.

When you bring someone else into your prayer rhythm, you’re not just adding another set of eyes — you’re adding another heart to walk alongside you.

• Tell a friend your prayer goal. Simply saying, “I want to pray for five minutes every morning” out loud makes it more real.
• Ask your spouse to pray together once a week. Even if it’s just before bed on Sunday night, that shared moment can anchor your whole week.
• Join a retreat, challenge, or group where prayer is the shared focus. The energy, encouragement, and shared experiences can carry you through the days you might not feel like showing up.
  

Accountability works because we’re wired for connection and encouragement. On the days you feel like skipping, someone else can remind you why you started. And on the days you do show up, you get to celebrate together. Prayer habits rooted in community are often the ones that last the longest — and grow the deepest.

Bringing it all together 

Building a prayer routine you’ll actually keep isn’t about superhuman discipline. It’s about grace, intention, and starting where you are — not where you wish you were.

Start small. Link it to what you already do. Choose a cue your brain will love. Keep your anchor time steady but allow your prayer style to breathe and shift. Let go of guilt when you miss a day. And invite others into your journey.

Prayer isn’t about checking boxes; it’s about connection. And God delights in even the smallest, simplest moments you turn toward Him. And here’s a little something to tuck in your heart — next week, we have something special coming that will give you a gentle, grace-filled way to put these steps into practice. Stay tuned.